I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
