Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
