So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
