we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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