I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize