How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ladies don't puke and tell
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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