He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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