the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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