You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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