apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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