Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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