Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A bitchslap is in order.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
