how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
