Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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