then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
