I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize