you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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