Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
