grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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