so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
