What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
