How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
