Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
