I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
