Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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