Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
