Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
