Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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