NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
