The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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