I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
