Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
