Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
