Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
