I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it because I queefed?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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