once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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