i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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