the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drake has all the answers
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
