its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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