you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
