i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the day after is always just damage control
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize