Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
