Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
