Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
