bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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