We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
