I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
