Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
