The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
