i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
