hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
