yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
