True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize