ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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