so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
