When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
