I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
