I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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