turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize