It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
