those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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