foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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