Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
