Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
