I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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