I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize