Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
