If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
