I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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