Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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