now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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