Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i've created a new STD.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
