i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
