My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just high enough for therapy.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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