he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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