Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
