I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
