Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
